I've always felt that there are 2 distinct parts of me, the Author and the Actor.

The Author separates himself from the present, from the 'here and now’, and projects the Actor to do his bidding for him. The Author is obsessed with the aesthetic; he is obsessed with writing a narrative, a story for the Actor to follow, a story with a beginning, middle, and end plotted out.

The Actor is a slave who deliberately fools himself into following the Author’s script; he pretends that he doesn’t know what the Author has planned out and eludes himself out of awareness of potential pathways that the Author has disregarded.

The Author, with his obsession with aesthetics, consciously ignores his conscience, knowing that every beautiful story requires tragedy and requires its characters to fall into the deepest of despair before rising back up and conquering it. What is St. George without the Dragon?

He leads the Actor into the abyss [planning out his return later in the future] and the Actor willingly indulges himself in this deception. What a beautiful chemistry, a perfect reciprocal relationship, a beautiful yet sinful one.

What right does the Author have to save himself [the Actor]? To narrate his own fall and deliverance. For the self does not establish itself, The Lord is the Shepherd and We are the Sheep, Salvation comes through Christ and Christ alone. Paving your own way to salvation is playing God, an ultimate act of Pride, the root of all evil and the beginning of sin.